I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
