so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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