Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
