He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
