You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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