Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
