proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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