This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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