I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
