Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
