she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
