the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
