Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
