i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
