maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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