Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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