i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
