shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
