I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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