OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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