I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
