The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
