All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
