i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
