Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
