so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
