I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i barfeds in our rink
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i think my cat just said my name.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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