Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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