Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
