this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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