so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.