its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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