Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
