Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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