just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ugly people sure do ruin things
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
