Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
