I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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