I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
