Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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