i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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