just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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