she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
