i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Alive.
So much puke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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