so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
