you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
