Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
