I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
