Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
