i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
