So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I deserve this hangover.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
