I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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