your parents love me but you hate me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
