i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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