I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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