I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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