Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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