Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
