I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
