My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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