She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
