I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
