Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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