Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
