You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
