I need help removing her.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
